One Taco at a Time....

I hate myself for not updating this blog more often. God knows if I had, this entry would truly be the climax of my self discovery journey. I will just have to give a quick summary for now of what my life has been like and promise to update in the future.

I´ll begin with the road trip I took to Oaxaca . Martin and I rented a car and drove for 18 hours through the best and worst of Mexico. The trip was a great experience despite us having to talk our way out of a 753 peso bribe from a Mexico City cop for driving down a one way street the wrong way. Oh, and we crashed the car on the way to Puerto Escondido which cost us 6,000 pesos in damages. It was a nightmare to deal with but in the end it was a blessing. I disputed the charge and my credit card company ended up paying for the cost of the damage as well as the rental itself. Basically Martin and I got a free vacation! Being irate to credit card customer reps pays!

No blog entry of mine would be complete without a "boyfriend" story in it. Tony was my "boyfriend". We met at a bus stop and it was really romantic. It was late and I had a long day when I see this cute boy walk past me and we exchanged smiles. A few moments later he ran back to me and screamed "¿ERRES GAY? ¿ERRES GAY?" in front of an elderly,conservative looking crowd. Since I believe in honestly above all things, I said "Sí" and the rest was history. He looks twelve but has the most amazing hair ever and is in med school which means he will be really rich in about 7 years. With me not having a career track I thought he would be a good investment. He was super flaky from the beginning but I managed to overlooked it since he was a power bottom and a potential doctor. Eventually, however, his last minute cancellations got the best of me and I was forced to dump him. The following is a text message conversation we had after the "breakup".

Tony: "Hello baby, these angered whith me? Because you have not spoken to me? Already am in the school, tell me when we see ourselves"

Me: "Yes, I am angered because you always cancel plans last minute and we never see ourselves"
Tony: "Busy have I been. I love you"

Me: "You are never too busy to hang out with your friends"

Tony: "Just know one thing, I love you"

Me: "Ok, fine. Let's be boyfriends again"

Tony: "I see you are not convinced. Are these angered whith me?"

Me: "No, I love you too and want to be boyfriends again. Lets hang out on Saturday"

We never did hang out on Saturday.

As all of you should know, I have been supporting myself by teaching English and last week I got fired from my first job. While I was away on vacation I had another teacher sub my classes for me. All of my classes hated the sub except for one, my Shakira class. I call it my Shakira class because it consisted of three girls who all got their fashion inspirations from Shakira. Their eyeshadow always matched the blouse they were wearing, whether it be green, pink, or red and they would even wear glitter. On sunny days, it hurt my eyes to look at them directly. It was my second favorite class to teach because we would just eat sugar-loaded candy as we gossiped about their shitty boyfriends who didn't deserve to date them. When I returned from vacation, I received a call from my boss saying that I no longer had that class because they "didn't like" me but that it was OK because it happens all the time. I later heard from other sources that it was because I didn't speak Spanish or that I used the book too much. Both reasons are bullshit since not speaking Spanish was never an obstacle for them learning and we maybe used the text for 5 minutes and ate candy and talk trash on boys for the remainder of class. I was totally crushed since there were never any signs of them disliking me as a teacher and it definitely ruined a weekend for me. However, in the end I think it was for the best. I've been working a lot of hours and wanting to drop a class or two. I still work in the same building as the Shakiras and have rehearsed my dialogue if I were ever to run into them again. It would go something like this..."Hi Shakiras! I think it worked out for the best that you didn't like me because now I have a new class with smart students. Good luck with your English (insert giggle)".

My roommate who lives in San Francisco and only comes to Guadalajara once in awhile was down this past weekend. It was the first time that he has come to Mexico since I've been here. It was great because he showed me all the cool underground gay spots that I didn't even know about, including the boy whore street. He took me down Morales, a street I have been down many a times, around 3 in the morning and we drove past boy whore after boy whore. Most were ugly but there were definitely a few hotties. Of course, I had to talk to one. We pulled over to one of the better looking ones and had a mini Q & A session. He was 25 USD for however long we wanted him. Since there was two of us, he would give us a deal of only 30 USD for unlimited about of hours. He is versatile and has a 7 inch dick. I started to feel bad for wasting his time so I made my roommate drive away. There was like a 100 more questions I wanted to ask him but he was working and I didn't want him to lose any johns because of me and my nosey self.

The last story, of course, is the best. I teach a beginner English class for a construction company. One of the students is Saúl and he is by far the hottest thing that has ever crossed my eyes. I know I have really bad taste in men but I am certain the majority of the population would agree that Saúl is God's gift to anyone with working eyes. The best part is that his sexual orientation is such a mystery. He is a little on the fem side and respects women unlike any other male student I teach. He is 25 and a lawyer and has the perfect skin tone. He invites me to play soccer with him but I have to turn him down because I wouldn't know what to do with a soccer ball. I know, I know, playing soccer is a really straight thing to do but here in México, everyone plays soccer so that fact really means nothing. We also mildly flirt with each other every class. For example, I gave him a lollipop one time and for the entire class he was working that pop like it was my ...uhh... lets just say he seemed to be really enjoying it. He has a bff named Fernando who isn't as hot as him but pretty close. Fernando works at the same construction company but is in the advanced English class and therefore I really don't see him often. We just smile as we pass in the hall and say Hello. While my roommate was back in Guadalajara, he took me out to Monica's, which was the first gay club in the city. The club was HUGE. I have never been in a bigger club in all my life. It should seriously be its own city. Anyway, while I was there, I ran into FERNANDO. FERNANDO IS GAY. I was dancing with this really hot guy (who dumped me later that night for not remembering his name) when Fernando approached me. We talked for half a second and then he walked away and didn't talk to me for the rest of the night. So now, of course, I have a thousand questions. Is Fernando gay or is he straight and just supporting his gay friends? Monica's has a rep for drawing in the het crowd. Are Fernando and Saúl really best friends or are they secretly gay for each other? Is Fernando gonna confirm what I'm sure Saúl already knows and tell him about our little run in? Will Saúl ever be gay for me? Since then, I have been stalking Fernando in typical gay fashion. During my investigation I discovered he has a frog fetish. I know this because he has a Señor Frog sticker on his back windshield of his car and a 10 inch stuffed Kermit the Frog hanging from his rearview mirror. With this new information I am eager to buy as many frog related things as I can find and flaunt them around Fernando. Eventually he will notice my frog flair and approach me and be gay with me forever. At least, that's my plan.

For now, the questions will have to be left unanswered. Only time will reveal the answers. And much like the days of our lives, we can eat only one taco at a time....